Friday, February 20, 2009

Toilet Monster

Every little kid has their fears. Some might be scared of their closet, some might be scared of the monster under their bed, and some might be afraid of the creepy next-door neighbor. Well, for me, it was the Toilet Monster.
It started when I was probably about four. I was in the dining room and my sister, Mylla, was in the bathroom (the bathroom comes off of the dining room). She called me over and, being little and stupid, I waddled over to her (have you ever noticed how little kids seem to waddle instead of walk? And I'm not calling all little kids stupid, just me.). I entered the bathroom and the lights were off. She flushed the toilet and ran out of the room and slammed the door.
"Now the toilet monster's gonna come get you!" She called through the door. So, naturally, I began freaking out thinking a giant brown monster was going to ooze out of the potty and drag me down the swirly spiral to toilet hell. For whatever reason I didn't turn the light on. It might be because I couldn't reach or I was hysterical. But the darkness didn't help my panic attack. Eventually Mylla opened the door, although at this point I was already scared for life.
So after that I couldn't trust toilets. Even sitting down on them I thought a monster would grab onto my butt or something. How embarrassing would that be? How the hell would I explain THAT one to my mom? So I still have trouble going to the bathroom when no one else is home, and I refuse to use toilets with loud flushers, like our neighborhood store bathrooms. It's like GIANT MONSTER TOILETS!
Ha ha like Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets. GREAT book I highly recommend it.
I guess whoever is reading this really doesn't need to know about my great bathroom fears. Too much information?
To my dear Mylla, I don't think what you did was that cruel (well I did at the time, now it makes a great story), so don't feel bad.
On a different note if anyone has seen the first episode of The Office where Jim puts Dwight's phone and stapler in Jello, well, I have to do that for 40 extra credit points in Biology. Not a phone and stapler, just any object that usually isn't in Jello. My teacher is really weird. I will post the outcomes of this little experiment as soon as it is finished. I still have to decide what to put in it. I was thinking tape because it's cheap. Maybe I'll put my fake cell-phone that's actually a calculator in there (it came in a spy kit. Before I was a super hero I was a spy) but it's fun because I can be like "look I have a phone. Just joking, it's a calculator!" Although I think it would make more sense to have a fake calculator that's actually a phone because I don't think you  have to disguise a calculator. If you are really a spy in war or something and the enemy sees you with a calculator they probably won't shoot you. What damage could you do with a calculator? But if they see you with a phone they probably will shoot you. Besides I would prefer a phone over a calculator any day.
But when I got this spy kit in 3rd grade I thought it was the coolest thing in the universe.
Maybe I'll put a marker in the Jello. But that's not very exciting. I can steal my mom's cellphone and put it in there, but then when I return it it'll smell like strawberries. I could put a shoe in it but I have big feet.
I was discussing this with my friend Blondie and we were thinking of a dead hamster, but that would be pretty gross. Plus neither of us has a hamster and if we did we wouldn't want to kill it. She suggested a frog (alive) and stick a straw down there so it could breath, but then we remembered that we have to chill the Jello so it would get really cold and probably die in there. Hmmm....
Blondie really isn't a blonde.
We really wouldn't do that with the frog or dead hamster. That would be evil. That was just the discussion that got us through Biology.

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