Public Speaking

To be perfectly honest, public speaking is one of my greatest fears, third only to snakes and zombies. Just knowing that everyone's staring at you, that they follow every move you make is enough pressure to drive a woman crazy. Lets say you have a giant zit on your forehead or a glob of snot is slowly crawling down your face and everyone is just transfixed. And then you trip on your way up or say something really stupid and everyone heard so there's no way to take it back.

The reason I am bringing this topic up is because just today I was summoned to the front of my classroom to present my cereal box (I had to do a project on a cereal box. It was on Benjamin Franklin). I had my report on the back and the picture on the front. I had to summarize the report to the class. I tried not to look at them, but it didn't help that my face was so hot I could fry an egg on my forehead.

"Um," I began. "Well, basically Benjamin Franklin signed the Declaration of Independence and he was the oldest person in the Constitutional Convention (don't hold me to these facts) at the age of 81." I turned to my teacher. "I'm sorry, that's it. My report was really bad."

"Ok," droaned Mr. Leprosy, "just read us some of the words you used to describe Benjamin Franklin."

"Um..." I flipped my box over to where the picture of Benjamin Franklin stood, smiling at me. I glared back, cursing him for causing me so much humiliation.  "Well, he was creative, because he invented a lot of stuff. And he was brave because he... um... flew a kite with a key in a thunderstorm. Which is brave because he might have died..." The class chuckled and I looked desperately at Black for encouragement. She gave me the thumbs up. "And he's creative, because he invented a bunch of stuff. And he's keen." I have no idea what the word keen means.

"Ok," Mr. Leprosy declared. I ran back to my seat and tried to hide my face from the view of everyone.

I guess I told you that story A) because I'm bored and B) because it shows you just how humiliating speaking in public can be. My hands are shaking just at the memory of that horrific event. Ugh, please no more public speaking. If you have any tips on how to not make an ass of myself in front of my class I would really appreciate it.